last night i had a conversation with a girl. what she said made me think much. it saddens me. unfortunately not all people have the same opinions. and not everyone is as responsible as we would like them to be. but what's the excuse for taking away the life of your unborn child? could it have been prevented. it just takes a simple plan. a condom, pills, or even a shot. why don't we take these into consideration? and then later as a result, kill. i just don't understand. but the worst feeling is knowing that there are situations like theses everyday. to know that many unborn babies shout out theit silent cries. it led me to write this. it's not the greates or best written, but it releaves my pain.
Price For Life
Tonight she tried again. She tried talking to her, looking for a sign of contempt. A small gesture to make contact with her mother. As always, all she would get was a blank stare. She was lucky though because other times it was a slap to face or some horrible insult. It wasn�t enough the fact that she kept reminding her that because of her mother duties her life was ruined. Lisa kept believing that one day she would be important enough for her mother to realize that she needed her.
It�s been 16 years since , according to her mother, all life died. What lisa could not understand was why her mother hated her so. And if in fact this hatred was more than the love of a mother why would she not let her go and be happy. Here and there Lisa tried to run away. Living at home was not only killing her mother, but destroying the bit of life that Lisa had. And the father, there was no sign of him. She said she never had one. Maybe it was some poor bastard who raped her. And yes, at times her mother would throw that to her, just to make her feel even worse. A product of a rape. A hate crime. Made out of anger and in life being reminded of this by the lack of emotion from her mother.
So it was that Lisa had lived her early stages of life not happy with herself and wondering why this passion that tied her and her mother was pure hatred. At times, when mother was away, she would search for any explanation or something that might finally give her some answers about her life. She would search through albums, pictures, and old letters, but would never find the truth.
Finally the day came. She found the truth, the reason for so many years of agony. She found a diary. It was mothers. Somehow, even after waiting so long to know, her hands trembled. Maybe something in her knew the truth all along but dared not to speak it aloud. The diary was kept under her pillow and it took her 4 days before she built the courage to read the first page. The rest only brought revelations that would change her life forever.
Time came and went. Lisa still remembers how scared she was 6 months ago when she discovered mothers diary and how she trembled and cried and even wished to die as she read page by page. Breaking into mothers thoughts. Of course mother never even had the slightest idea of what Lisa had come upon. And things remained the same. Lisa knew why mother would never love her.
Throughout those six months Lisa kept a job in a library. She occupied her time reading and helping the younger kids with their disabilities. Many nights she would wake from horrible dreams, always mumbling about money and $800. money seemed to be the object of her determination for some reason. She was determined to raise this money. But for what.
A day came when Lisa got home from working at the library and mother was upset. Something about the mortgage payment and having no money to pay the bills. That wasn�t what got Lisa furious though, it was what was sitting at the top of the table next to mothers hand. A brown box where Lisa had kept her money. The $800 that she worked hard for. Mother had discovered it and claimed as her own for the debts that overcame them. Mother wanted Lisa�s money, but to Lisa it was not only money but freedom.
An argument arose, this one stronger than any before. Mother yelled and brought up the fact that Lisa was old enough to help out with the bills, or at least that was the way Lisa translated through the harsh and horrible words. The speech about how mother gave up her life to raise her and feed her. It would always come down to the simple fact that mother hated Lisa for being born and ruining her life. Lisa was not about to give up her hard earned money that easy.
A slap across the face was what finally made Lisa reveal the secret she kept wanting to yell out to the world. She started to speak slowly then with such rage as the rage mother used when speaking to her. Now the tables had turned and mother was on the other end. The defensive one. Lisa revealed finding mothers diary. Night after night reading the horrible thoughts that mother contained through those months of being pregnant. The story of her real father. The story about the abortion. The one that didn�t go through and as a result the eternal loathe mother had for Lisa.
Lisa ran to her room in search for the diary. She approached mother, mother now afraid for what was to come. Lisa started to read out of the pages while mother desperately tried to stop her. Nothing would stop Lisa now. While Lisa read the words mother once wrote, tears clung from her eyes. She refused to shed a tear. Nevertheless the sobs were hard and strong. Only this time they came from mother.
What was written in the diary was a horrible secret mother kept. She was young and na�ve. Fell in love with a man who left her pregnant and alone. Mother being so young and irresponsible had made the decision of aborting her unborn child. The price was $800. she gave away her child for an amount of money that would replace life.
Lisa continued to read, now with more pity and disgust than anger. She read how after the abortion mother again fell for another man. After being pregnant for the second time and for the second time betrayed by her lover the thought of abortion came to mind. Another $800. The difference then was mothers idea of keeping the child to retain father. Father did not stay. The solution of abortion was no longer an option. Mother was already too far into the pregnancy. No one would do it.
The diary read how mother attempted to kill herself many times. On many occasion she came close to the end but someone would always come to her aid and avoided the crime. Mother was in a hospital for months. They kept her there in fear of another suicide attempt and mother remained in the hospital until the child was born. The beautiful baby girl was named Lisa.
After reading the horrible events to mother Lisa reached over to the brown box that contained the money she desperately worked for. She picked up the box and threw it at mothers feet, money flying across the floor. Lisa yelled at her mother and told her that if $800 was the price she paid to get rid of her first pregnancy that she would pay for it now. Mother wasn�t able to get rid of Lisa because it was too late in the pregnancy. Lisa told her mother that the only reason why she raised that money was to buy her freedom. To pretend that she actually did go through with the abortion. To get the $800 and let her go, set her free.
So that was how Lisa regained her life. She walked through the door. Left everything behind. Stepped out into the world and for the first times saw the sun through the clouds. She would never forget the torture she endured living with mother. But she would never let that come in the way of her happiness. Now she was free. $800 was the price for her life.
2:40 p.m. - 2003-03-16
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