one month to live while we all sit and wait. will the telphone ring and the receiver give the bad news? there were options on donating pieces from everyone but she's 14 years too late for that. the age was 20 and under for such a complicated operation. needs a full transplant.

we went to visit her om wednesday. i held back the tears. "i'm not afraid to die", she said. "i will be reunited with my baby". she had a miscarrige some years back. that was part of her "sickness", not able to have children.

she can't even breathe on her own. they're giving her all the oxygen that they can give. the maximum. and yet it's not enough she says. she can't even go to the restroom because she can't tolerate movements. she can barely talk.

all we can do is wait.

and my frends only call me when they need something. what a pity. i'm a human bank! i don't mind though. i never did.

and even though they're coming around and what seemed like a ruined frienship is reviving i still can't seem to shake this loneliness.

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