i find myself everyday wondering what i'm doing in my life besides being a store manager. i wish i had the self-determination to just drop everything and fight for my dream. i'm letting life pass by without me even taking a glance. i'm afraid to leave my job which seams to be putting me down too much lately. i'm afraid of change and don't want to worry about money like i did before. living out of every paycheck is not that great and i definetly do not want to depend on my boyfriend loaning me money.
but i have to face the reality that i'm not happy. and for the past years i've been a strong believer that if i'm not happy i have to find what's making me unhappy and get rid of it.
valentine will come in two days and i'm not in the least bit excited. truth us, i don't know what to expect anymore. i wish i could know what goes on in his mind but i can't. one day he's telling me to choose a month to get married yet he hasn't proposed and frankly i'm not seing any effort to advance that. i'm not in a hurry but i am impatient.
so i'll do my best to see things through the positive side, comunicate what i think to those below me and hopefully with time this feeling of entrapment will go away.
6:17 p.m. - 2003-02-12
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