so, the last time i talked to my boyfriend was friday night. it is now sunday evening and i truly believe we are BOTH very stubborn. obvioulsy we don't want to be the first to make that call of apology. i have to admit i'm getting very irritated by all this nonsense. truly he must believe i'm gonna just sit there and take his bullshit. all i said was "CHANGE YOUR FUCKEN CLOTHES!!!" that's all i asked for. why do i have to be the only one to give apologies? why should i always be the mean one, the one who causes all our turmoil? and why do i get this eerie feeling that i'm really getting tired of playing this game and deeply feel that if this will be how we go about then i'll may as well return his gift. give him back his ring, this computer, set a day to go to the dealership and remove him from the contract and get the pink slip to my mom's car. i'm very serious. i'td sunday evening, if by tomorrrow he hasn't called me you best believe that the only call i'll be making will be to say goodbye!!! AAARRRRGGGG i'm so pissed off now!!! why must he ruin my weekends constantly. why do we put up with this mess and why are we getting married? why when all we do is fight about the most RIDICULOUS things!!! i hate it so much. i cannot even cry. and that's the worst part. i'm so damn numb to it all i cannot even show a bit of emotion. i repress it all and instead of tears all i get are urges to pound my fists against the doors, pick up anything around me smash it against the walls!!! oh, but you don't understand how angry i've become. please don't let me get a hold of my phone for i will say the most cruelest things ever!!!!
4:45 p.m. - 2003-03-23
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