I feel you farther and farther away. I guess it hurts too much to believe that I was just lust to you-- simply fun. To your credit, this is really how it all began. You made that clear, and I went along with it. Why would I ever believe that it would be just fun for me? I was never that person. Did I subconsciously want you that much? And why? I hardly even knew you then... Was it my need to feel something after feeling so numb in this marriage that's falling apart? What I did was inexcusable, wrong on so many levels. This affair will cost me dearly. And the ironic part is, I don't have you. You are not mine. Maybe momentarily, in those passionate moments, these last 9 month of sex, booze and texting, but now what? What do we go back to? How can I see you at work and pretend you don't know every inch of my body? Literally every inch you've seen, touched and even tasted. Not even my husband. How can I see you at a meeting and feel your gaze and reminisce your body, your sweat, your moans, your touch? I cannot. How could you?
2:39 p.m. - 2018-09-22
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