Yesterday, I decided to finally seek therapy. The initial phone screening was uncomfortable. I felt stripped... answering very private questions to a complete stranger. I almost cried. Imagine me, sneaking into the corner cubicle at work, practically hunched over so that no one could hear me and my very private conversation. With tears forming in my eyes and my voice so thick, my throat so choked I could barely breathe.
But I did it. And they recommended I be seen once a week. It instantly made me feel a bit better.
You triggered that call, A. You slammed against me, my life, so fast and with such speed and took me on the best and worst roller coaster of my life. You are like a drug to me and I am such a junkie, craving every moment, wanting and needing every second of your attention. And now, your nonchalance and how you can so easily brush me away kills me. It kills me ever so slowly. I wish I could reach over to you, stick my hand through your chest and pull your heart out. Show you, through the cracks where I managed to slip right through, the exact spot where my name is carved. The dark, magical spot where I forced myself in and marked my presence. Then slowly, pluck it out, and in my hands smash it until it is nothing but dust. And blow it away, so that it can be rejoined with the wind, carried away into the night -- Like the night when we began.
7:49 a.m. - 2019-03-02
Recent entries:
Mind Games - 2019-03-17
%%older_entries%%Self-inflicted - 2019-03-15
%%older_entries%%Starlight - 2019-03-13
%%older_entries%%Undone - 2019-03-07
%%older_entries%%My Muse - 2019-03-04
%%older_entries%%
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