We went to the concert Monday night. We ignore the elephant in the room and we don't talk about our last outing. We don't talk about how you want to put space and time between us. Instead, we fill the air with small talk about work and little nothings.
We arrive at the Forum after having walked a little. It started drizzling and the air was crisp. You bought us drinks and we talked some more to kill time before the show started. You, as usual, looked amazingly sexy with your fitted tshirt and your oh-so adorable little curls that cling to the top of your head. I stand there, soaking you up with my eyes, trying to remember the shape of every little curl, and mapping out all the speckles of milk chocolate brown in your eyes. Locking into memory the sound of your funny laugh; and how your eyebrow raises every now and then when you say something serious or when you're listening intently to something I'm saying. I realize that I am doing this, recording every moment, because I don't know if we will have another of these moments and I want to remember every little thing.
The show begins and we hurry to our seats. And as expected, every bit of music is amazing. Halfway through the show, your arm wraps around my shoulder and my heart races. With my left hand, I touch your arm and slowly intertwine my fingers with yours. We sway to the rhythm and the sound of the music. Starlight comes on with its beautiful lyrics. Your arm is still wrapped over me, our hands locked together. My right arm stretched across your lower back, resting comfortably on your hip. You whisper in my ear that you like this song and I can tell as your embrace tightens and you pull me closer to you. As Matt Bellamy sings out the words, "Hold you in my arms... I just wanted to hold you in my arms... I'll never let you go, if you promise not to fade away -- never fade away...". We sing together, among the sea of fans and cheers and Muse.
The night ends and I find that my feet refuse to move. I want to stay here forever, with you as 'us'. We walk back to the car; it was a few miles away from the venue. The night is calm and the sky is clear. More small talk and little nothings. We drive off and I take you to one of your favorite things to do; eat tacos. So there we are, at midnight, ordering food. Time cannot be stretched any more and I know our time has run out. It's time to go.
I simply don't understand how we can have such a great time together and you still refuse to make 'us' work. I still can't understand why I can't accept it. What will it take for you to realize I am yours and I will never hurt you? What will it take for me to realize that you do not want this and I need to let go?
"The starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore."
-Starlight by Muse
7:48 a.m. - 2019-03-13
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