Friday night:
You ask me why it is that I like spending time with you? I almost want to laugh, because you know very well why I do. Is it that you want to hear it? You want my lips to form those words... words to later throw back at me as the reason why we need these little 'breaks'.
I pick you up around 9pm and we go to a bar that plays 80's music. I tell you I want to listen to good music. I'm surprised you did not protest -- you were being very agreeable with me... whatever I wanted to do, you said. I push back the thoughts of your resolve to never go out to a bar with me... You obviously cannot believe it yourself... you know it's too late for that.
We get to The Offbeat. You tell me you've been here before, but it's been a while. You also tell me that it's down the block from The York and Johnnie's -- the two bars you took me to an VDay, the night where you swore you had enough of my 'crazy'. I ignore it because I don't want to remember that night, so instead we walk in, grab a couple of drinks and find a spot to settle in. You instantly order your usual old fashion and I get my whiskey. I remind myself that I need to pace myself. The Strokes begin to play and I smile wide... I love that band. I look over to you and smile -- and you know why. I'm instantly loving this place.
We talk about little nothings as the bar begins to fill. You keep drinking and I keep pacing myself. The music keeps getting better and better. You start sharing very private things again and I know you are tipsier than I thought. From Madonna, to The Cure... great music is being played and the crowd begins to dance, forming a dance floor before us. I get up and ask you to dance. You refuse, but I know you. I know you'll give in to me. So I stand up and I begin to dance in front of you. You stand and begin to sway with me. Yes, you really are drunk. We dance and dance... I like nights like these -- nights where we enjoy each other fully -- freely.
We close the bar, it's 2am. We walk out, you look at me and I know that look in your eye. Full of passion and need. We are tangled once more. Your body with mine, mine with yours. Our breath-- rapid, deep, consumingly passionate. It's 5am and I am in your arms... I can hear your heartbeat and your heavy breathing. You must have been really tired because I hear you snore... not loud but enough to make me giggle. I had never heard you snore before. This is a first.
Night turns into day and we melt in each others arms, over and over again. I begin to notice something different in your touch, in your look, in your kisses. There's nothing different-- yet there is. Your touch is softer and lasts a little longer. Your fingers linger a bit more in areas and I can feel your fingertips lightly resting on my own. Your stare is deep as you look me straight in the eyes. I must look away, yet I don't. Challenge accepted and I stare you down right back. You break this spell with a smile. God, I love that smile. Your kisses are sweeter, and alternate between soft and hard, both simultaneously.
I never wish to leave your arms, but the afternoon sun reminds us that life awaits. I take you home -- and the dreaded feeling returns as we become something other than what we were just minutes before. In a world that doesn't recognize what we have, we leave 'us' and I become me, you become you. The responsibility of your sons, and my responsibility with my daughters kick in. As I pull up to your house, you turn to me and land the usual kiss on my cheek. I leave you, and the fear creeps over my heart. For I know that this routine we have settled in for the last 14 months has no end.
A, I love you because you let me. You must surely recognize that by now. I smile because I know. Now I must wait for the next time we see each other, where we will continue this cycle. When will it end? And does it continue because I let it?
8:24 a.m. - 2019-03-24
Recent entries:
- - 2019-04-04
%%older_entries%%The Flow - 2019-04-02
%%older_entries%%Suspended in Air - 2019-03-31
%%older_entries%%- - 2019-03-30
%%older_entries%%Baby Steps - 2019-03-27
%%older_entries%%
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
worldinabox
Swordfern
lostinmylove
evil-barbara
skinnyboney
fan4
crimsonqueen
gothangel
dreamer2003
darqueangel
leslieirene
goldylockz22
poetichealth
shadow-box
he4venste4rs