I'm having withdrawals...
I watched a Ted Talk that compared love with a drug addiction. Going through withdrawals, you feel the same as though a junkie is going through their drug withdrawal. In the case of a junkie, methadone is the drug to help them get through episodes for the need of the real drug and in the case of someone who is need of their lover's attention, methadone is the memories or the thoughts of our lover and the pleasurable moments. It's not the real drug, but a false alternative to keep the high alive.
Why am I comparing the two, you ask? I'm going through withdrawals. You are taking your sons on a trip to Hawaii next week and you are being very careful since you have to take a COVID test prior to arriving at Hawaii. As such, we have not hung out for two weeks and it is not likely that it will happen for another two weeks. A whole month without you. It feels like kicking a habit and the need for you is debilitating. Yes, I see you at work Monday through Thursday, constantly but it's not the same as having you on Friday or Saturday. We become different people then. On those days, it's ok to stroke your face and run my fingers through your locks, your perfect curls.
I hate that I feel needy and become this child who picks fights with you. Of course I understand why you choose to stay in... yes, I know it's temporary. So what do I do? I pick fights with you because not seeing you due to being upset is much better than not seeing you because you choose for it to be that way. And then, as I think I will not speak to you throughout the weekend, I see your name appear on my notification. And while a part of me crumbles, another part of me melts.
Because, despite my needy, desperate attempts at pushing you away, you find ways to pull me back.
Methadone... I love you.
Have fun in Hawaii, my love.
2:28 p.m. - 2021-03-27
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