It gets a little bit better until it's not. I hate these moods I fall in. It's not fair to the girls. I wonder what they must be thinking when they see me in a funk... I must get through this all, if not for me, for them.
You know what I find funny in all this? That I cannot find an ill thing to say about you. Yes, how this all began and you luring me knowing I was married was not right... but, you're still a gentleman (most times) and are still sweet to me. You lay me down gently because I'm sure you know I am in detox mode. You did say we had to stop being lovers and start being friends -- we skipped that stage. I guess I really did feel the need to be your lover more than your friend, but that was just me being selfish and wanting to take those bits from you -- forcefully. I always told you that you were only ever truly mine within those walls. It was there where you always rendered yourself to me... it never failed. So I craved every moment of it and I took it... unapologetically, consumingly.
A, I miss your company the most. Our deep conversations about everything and nothing... hearing your voice get excited when you talked about your goals, seeing that sparkle in your eyes... I could almost see the images of the ideas you had brewing... your dreams and your aspirations. I miss that the most.
We still text. It's not enough for me though. It was never all just physical for me. It was everything... It was hearing about your sons, the crazy new things your mother did or just work related nonsense. Next week will be the concert. You're still coming with me... it will be great. But we have to tread lightly, don't we?
I miss you, A.
7:41 a.m. - 2019-03-04
Recent entries:
3am - 2019-03-18
%%older_entries%%Mind Games - 2019-03-17
%%older_entries%%Self-inflicted - 2019-03-15
%%older_entries%%Starlight - 2019-03-13
%%older_entries%%Undone - 2019-03-07
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